Invisibility Cloak

how's there?
are you alone?
are you still trying to figure out things?

when you're taking a break,
what are you doing?

may i give you a suggestion?
take a deep breath
go outside
even though it's early a.m
look up the sky.

when you're empty-staring,
what are you thinking?
what's there?
how are you feeling?
are you numb?
is there something you want to talk to?

i'm trying to get to know
what's inside your mind
with no need to get inside

i want to know
what you are talking about
when you're talking to yourself
when no one is watching you

because i guess
you're the type of person
who not really open about
what you feel or perceive
it's trapped there
inside you
just like how the rest of man
in this sphere globe do

should i take the invisibility cloak?

imagining this moment is lowkey scary
but i'm going to play
harry potter role instead

less scary, more comfortable, i think.

Fate is A Different Matter

i know it's not easy standing
on your feet independently
with all those moments
you have passed by

look at you now
stronger than ever

i admire you with all my heart

but my god,
you're the best and worst person
i never knew that i'd found comfort in you
i felt safe and calm
i could feel all my broken pieces
you stitched together
when you're by my side

you could be my man
you might be mine
if i was allowed to choose

if you still want to come back
i'd still gladly open my arms
i don't want to lose you anymore
i don't want you to run and hide
i want a good connection
where there's no barrier
is this wrong?

we're still human
but fate..

fate is a different matter

i beg for your forgiveness
for how i tie the rope
my mind seems so full
and this one is a dominant sparkle
it's you

god damn
so this is how it feels to have
a crush on someone
just to know it'd be literally crushed
by... fate?

4:36 AM

nerves inside my brain is having a party
hard hard hard party
curious how it is inside

it feels loud but i can't hear it
what is the dresscode?
which one is serving?
which one is the host?
how are they dancing?
is there any music?

all my body parts
seem to be one hundred percent
don't want to sleep yet
even though i'm tired actually

tossing and turning
inhale and exhale
black circles around my eyes
asking for help already

something inside my brain still party so damn hard..
it's 4:36 am

Anxious

i feel bad for myself
for not still that ready
to accept you've changed
in all of a sudden
in a blink of an eye

people change
and so do you

you've changed

that

much

everything is not the same anymore
you're very different now
i miss the old you
when you came out of the blue
just to say a simple hi or ask me anything
had random convos at midnight

i don't even know who you are now
when it's supposed to be
i've known you so much better than yesterday

i don't even know
if this is a 'leave me alone'
or 'i need time to think' or 'wait me on the other side' 'don't think about it ever again' kind of space

i am confused
so i whisper to myself
to take this slowly
and keep waiting,
don't rush.

i should've known what's wrong but
i can't pinpoint what went wrong
my anxiety dripping all over me
how am i still holding on?

i'm scared..

Walls

in this square room
i hide all my tears and excitement
best to worst

i turn off the light
i barely see the color of the walls now

these walls
hard as your shell
soft as your skin
cold as your emotion
warm as the air around you
dark as the sky that night

i'm projecting all those lights
on a biggest space on the wall
playing a tape of the flawless movement
i can't understand how it works this way
but this seems the only thing i need right now

frozen light in millions of colors is a past time
to be looked at the present
how i regret i weren't brave enough to ask to get a split second of it..

now the walls are laughing at me

Stay

i just want to let you know that
you're the reason why i've waited this long
walking through my days in these past years alone with hope you'll finally have guts to let it all out
because i took the hints, i guess

even after all these years
that i know and you know
we invest(ed) in it for so long
it grew gradually
it took time
we've done it in silence

i did notice when you were gone
i still learnt about you even when you hid in your furthest hut
but i knew you still cared and watched me from your hidings trying to leave no mark
i knew you did
you were ghosting

one thing that don't let me sleep lately
something convinced me that it was all one sided
that you didn't have any intention at all
that i took it the wrong way

and i won't lie
just the thought of it makes me sad
the way you made me feel never fade away

i was fine without you
when you chose to be gone
because the dose was not as much as today's dose
i tried to find other pills
to fill the void inside
but you know what?
my heart told me you'd come back
and i have to be patient

my heart was right.

ever since i took the chance
it's getting harder and harder
this is the worst phase
i don't know what i have to do
it seems to be too awkward now

i could just ignore you but again i won't lie, i am still not ready to lose you again

maybe i wanted it more than i should be
maybe we've invested in a wrong dimension
maybe we should never let each other anyone in
maybe it's me who still holding on while you've been far enough left it all behind in those pretty mandarin lights

now you're gone for a hundred times and i really don't like me this way..

Happy Pills

i saw some part of myself in you
curious and vulnerable
drowning into the deepest blue
mixing the colors inside
an intense feeling stitching the wound
slowly
such a secret

i was content, were you?

i gazed at every move you made carefully
i hoped you didn't notice
make sure i could revive it in the future
to warm my cold nights
to ignite the darkened skies
to spark your crystally mind
as i know you won't be here forever
as you can go away anytime without any warning
and never come back ever again

my happy pills.

i had to use it wisely
keeping it in silence
the safest drawers in my head
no one would ever know
no one would ever see

this time
i find it hard to revive it
it's cold
so cold

honey,
i'm starting to run out of my pills..

Before Sunrise

last night
i dreamt about you
but
you were sick
you were pale
i took care of you
i cooked for you
you were weak
but your smile were still the sincerest

us,
two fiery souls sought for peace
runaway from all the sadness and confusion
four brown eyes wrapped so damn fine
i watched yours dilated slowly and quitely
did you look the same thing happen on mine?

in that dream
i didn't walk away
neither did you
you were standing next to me
you held me close

i know
sunrise are going to steal it from me
but tonight
i'll send an invitation
to the nerves inside my brain
maybe it's kind enough to show you again
maybe you'll send me to sleep

don't you think it's black-hearted
to know
this is the only way now
i could reach you?

i wish you were here..

/ˈtaNGɡ(ə)ld/

she can't stop thinking about it
not this again, she doesn't want to
but her mind keeps echoing
that question
it bothers her so much
like lightning in sunny day

how she thought
it was such a flawless time
well, she thought..

she let her guard down
she knew he did too
she thought it was a terrific gate

after all this time,
she thought it was blooming
ready to be picked

if this is what it costs
then she shouldn't never press that button

if this is what it costs
she doesn't think
she'll ever be ready for this mess

and he knows that.

but he choosed to treat her like
a stranger

because he couldn't handle the truth
the bitter truth
he pushed it all away
he closed all the doors
he choosed to be invisible
doing the thing he master of

always.

and she..
she waits in the dark
she knows the truth hurts
she keeps her faith in him
she waits for him to give the light

maybe someday he'll change his mind
he'll change his mind to change her mind about him
she only needs his bravery
to start over to be the impossible
they both know

to the acceptance of the bitter truth
to face it hand in hand

in tranquility..

maybe in another life
things could be simpler

/ˈtravəstē/

that day,
she hold her watch so tight
kept questioning herself
not sure if she wanted to reset it

it seemed to tick slower
it seemed to tick faster

she knew
this day would come

but no one thought
it was gonna be this day

in silence
she peeled every damn layers
unveiled the warmth
for every single scratches

the audacity of confidence
the spark of the flakes of gold
the laughter, softer than a silk
the soul spark brightly brighter than a sun
the closeness of the colliding worlds

it intensified

she was convinced

it was colliding

an awakening of the angst
the most durable angst
they kept for years

the clock stopped ticking
for no one knows how long
days?
months?
years?
forever?

nothing.
it just stopped
just like that

ever since that day
sky tinted the faint hearts blue
as blue as the color of sky that day
as the sun went down

if that was it,
then why does she still have that faith?
then why does she still need reassurance?
then why is she still in love with the sharpest mind?

-

she sits in the corner

still waiting the clock to tick again
still holding on
still holding...on

she is still h o l d i n g  o n...

hoping it'd tick again..

would you make it tick again?

for·ti·tude

those shadows
the shapes
the ambience
dark
calmy orange
the currents
they were running
no one knew what they chased for

the golden hour
painting the stars slowly
on a single layer

photographed it inside my head
developed in my darkest space
in motions with the safest lights

it's flickering..