Gray Hairs

One fine afternoon, I had a conversation with a friend who lives in the same house with me. I tucked my hair behind my left ear and she was kind of shock and excited "hey you have a white hair! Let me pluck it for you!"

She was so ready to pluck it and I said,"Hey chill. Let it be. That's okay."

"Why?" She said.
I didn't answer that question,"I also have another one here." I showed her another white hair on my head near my forehead.

"But why?" She was confused.

"I like it and I don't want to pluck it. I really like it."

-

Should I call this White Hair instead of Gray Hair? Because mine is white. It's really white and not a mixed black-white. I'll keep the title "Gray Hairs" though.

I'm going to use 'white' in this post.

As a 24-year-old woman, I don't find it as a bad thing. Also, this is not like the first time I noticed it. I am pretty sure I still have other white hairs on the back of my head because even you pluck it, its follicle still produce the same hair. :P

My youngest brother is different, he started to have his white hairs which is a lot in his teenage life. Like a lot. Not full of white hair, but it's a lot. He's not confident enough to have it. Not once or twice he tried to tell me he wanted to dye his hair.

I always tell him, "No. Just let it be. You look good with it. It looks nice on you."

I always brush his hair back and forth with my fingers whenever I have a chance, to see his white hairs and his "no sis it doesn't look good on me please" face hahaha

Big chance is he got it from my dad. My dad also already had his white hair early on his 30s. When I was 5 years old -- my dad was 36 at the moment, I've already refused my father's choice to dye his hair black to hide his white hair. He said, he looks younger when he dyed his hair. Dad, please.

Until now, he is 55, he still doesn't like his white hair.

And until now too, I still can't convince my dad to not dye his hair black. He looks good with his white hair -- once he was kinda late to dye his hair haha.

I don't like it when his dyed hairs starting to scream, if it can talk, it'd scream," RE-DYE US PLEASE LIKE RIGHT NOW WE ARE NOT LOOK GOOD ANYMORE."

Honestly, dying his hair black made him looks older not younger.

I like that when a man who has gray hair doesn't give a f with his gray/white hair especially in his mid age. They show some confidence and look so much more attractive and different in a good way. Honestly.

And when they are older -- let's say 45+ --and still have that energy -- you know the positive vibes, they really look so much younger.

In the end, we all are going to have white hairs anyway. We all are aging each seconds.

Don't pluck it. It will grow the same.
Don't dye it. It looks good on you. It really is.

I'll post a picture of my white hair tomorrow. If I remember..

Attachment

Are you one of those person who is clingy and at the same time push people away? I am.

I love people. I love having friends. Small circle. I love having a connection with them. I don't know, it makes me feel secure. Like there is a big wall around me, wrap me and it feels so warm and nice protection.I do not want to lose people. I know they're going to stay.

It grows fast. The connection. As the times go, I become so clingy and need them more, not necessarily their physical body, but how they doing, are they okay or what. Reassurance.

No, it's not possessive. It is anxiety screaming. I feel so anxious everytime the person I care suddenly disappear without any warning, worse.. for weeks. That's honestly because I care.

I could not stop thinking about it, the worse scenario always come first, in my head.

I don't want to hurt people by my clinginess. I know they need some space, even though I am not really that clingy and still give them space because I am not confident to ask most of the times. Wishing they know which they won't because it's not a guessing contest.

When I feel that my clinginess starting to disturb myself by my brain which told me I make people uncomfortable, I detach and disassociate myself from people. Shut down. I don't talk to anyone. This is what happens everytime my mood swings say hello in seconds.

I need to be alone but I hate to be alone.

I know it's wrong. So wrong. Some of them say my neediness doesn't bother them at all, they're happy that I need them, but in my head I bother them a lot. I don't want to hurt them.

I am sorry if I pushed any of you away.

I am so scared to lose them but I always do it so I feel I don't need to hurt them any further. But I don't want to lose them..

Once I saw a quote "The need for reassurance makes you invisible"

Sadly, it's true.

If you feel uncomfortable reading this, then I have news for you.

But I know some people there will understand. That physicologist says for this type of person, they need someone who is different from this type of person, secure about attachment style, responsive, and sensitive to what this kind of person need and experienced, and willing to work with this type of person on it.

This one task need to get accomplished: Stop Pushing People Away. I am still working on it.

If I always push people away, how could I let someone who will understand in?