So here we go..
How long does it take?
The atmosphere is tensed
No one has been trying to go out
Everyone left, too
Looking for safe haven
I could hear fallen needle
Silence is scary
I've been friends with silence
Been a good friend
Is this gonna be another food for my solitude?
Been staying at home intentionally
Feels like this is not gonna be a short one..
The last time I went through this
I was unsure either
I know I've seen the clearer pictures
The hints I saw scattered around
Yet I chose to ignore so I can be... optimistic
"The time will come."
A lot of questions stranded in the back of my mind
It's like a handful of sand
Looks quite small but contained a million sand just like my questions
"I need more time," I said to my inner self.
"Maybe it will change."
She gave me more time than I asked
All of these only leave a big hollow of hope
It hurts but windy and cold
This ain't gonna work
This ain't gonna go anywhere
How can a human be so selfish?
It's all about them
them and them only
Thinking the world revolves around them
Never truly care about anyone else
Using every souls
they can take advantage of
until the souls feel so drained
This is exhausting
This is tiring
This is intoxicating
If all of these are truly real,
I don't need to assume
I don't need to conclude by myself
I won't confused
They will let me know only
when the actions get along with the words
I can't trust anyone else right now
I feel like I don't know anyone else
And it made me so certain this time
that..
I've made up my mind
I've let that go and set my mind free
I won't ever think about it again
As of right now..
I just want to be under
a few layers of
my big thick warm blankets
I need some rest.
Jakarta, 9 March 2020.
4:38 am.
