2020.
It's been a "special" year where I can go full on my solitude and healing.
The year where I learn to let go and to welcome new people, new chances.
The year where I can go being mindful and at peace.
2020.
It's pandemic. Never in a million years did I think I'm gonna experience this in my lifetime. Joke on us, human around the world was thinking it's gonna last only 2 weeks. 2 weeks became 2 months. Let's hope it's not gonna hit 2 years. Not really optimistic about this one though. It's almost a year and we've seen no exit..yet. Hang in there, pals. We're all this together. I am doing my own part. How about you?
2020.
The year where I realize I can't hold something I thought valuable while it keeps cutting me.
I made it valuable. I valued it. At some point - or even since beginning (?), it's growing its thorns. My hand kept bleeding. I made myself bleeding. It was my choice. I thought it's gonna stop bleeding. I was wrong.
2020.
The year where I am bettering myself at boundaries. Saying what I really mean. What I want. Bettering at communicating. Saying No as a No. Yes as a Yes. I stand for myself.
2020.
The year where I can learn myself, my likes and dislikes, my inner child, my fear, my dream, and my triggers. Learning more about my attachments.
Being alone in pandemic throughout the 2020, I tried to start over. Everything. E v e r y t h i n g.
I finally do what I had refused to do all this time. I try new things and new interest. I give myself another chance to grow. Grow as a better version of my old self.
2020.
The year where I can finally forgive myself. My mistakes I thought unforgivable. Things that made me stopping or slow my pace. Back and forth. I've let myself hurt by my own anger for myself. Saying I don't deserve forgiveness. I was too hard on myself. Too hard, I can't even comprehend why I did that to myself. It ruined my peace and my sanity.
2020.
The year where I love myself and others. The year I let others love me. The year I let my guard down. People say I am too picky. I am not. I am selective. I know what I want and need. I need to know them first. Trusting other human being is hard after being trapped with liars. This year, I open my heart. I let people in. Learning them is fun. Different people, different characters. I don't put pressure on myself. I see them as they are. If we're vibing and getting along well, we can go further. No rush.
2020.
The year where I finally..yes finally can commit to workout daily. It's been good. Starting since November 2020, up until this post, I am still on track. Yay! Taking care of myself this year. I've been eating no good this year. I ate what I was not supposed to eat. Eating while staying at home (pandemic), what did I get? Gaining weight. 6 kgs in total.. in a year. No, not even a year. I could say it happened since June 2020. Worry not, the workout works like a charm. I've seen good progress. Gotta stay consistent. I'll see what it can offer and what I can do in the future. This year, I write in the back of my mind, I get to do good things so my future self can thank me. I have an important homework though, getting my sleep schedule like other "normal" human being. Being friendly with my circadian rhythm. I sleep for 7-8 hours daily, but still.. the schedule. Eum, working on it! Hehe
2020.
They year where I accept myself as I am. As a whole human being with soft rocky heart and thoughtful busy mind. As a whole human with imperfection in attitude, behavior, and looks. I am bettering myself. Accepting and embracing all the feelings. Allowing myself to learn triggers that can make me sad, happy, confused, joy, scared. I am learning.
2020.
I am at peace and at ease.
Last day of 2020,
as I am typing this, I was left in the cold. Waiting for someone to write me back. I've been waiting since 6 pm. I was supposed to meet him today. Where is he? Is he okay? I don't know. He's gone into the thin air, I guess. What a day to end this year, huh?
It's okay. I hope he's good, there.
I'll be spending today alone, just like my others "happy new year."
Thank you, 2020.
Hey, 2021.
Buckle up!
