Puzzle

I remember when I say I don't want to be in it again because I am tired of feeling it alone. Feelings are something you need to share. Sad and Happy. Through thick and thin or ups and downs. Questions that have answers.

Never in my wildest dream I face this thing that completely unknown. Puzzles that I didn't buy at the shop. Game that I don't like to play but intrigued by its mysteriousness and monster in my mind to solve it even though I know I could never solve it any faster because there's always a missing piece in the owner's hand. I keep doing it..

In my head, I do everything right but every night before I go to sleep I always ask what did I do wrong. All of the why-s. All of the what if-s. All of the confusion. I can't find the answer anywhere but there, the puzzle.

I am not able to sleep properly. I sleep at 5 am everyday. I wake up early.

The first thing on my mind after I wake up is the puzzle. The last thing I think about before falling asleep is the same puzzle. I am thinking about it all day.

I don't like doing second guessing but I feel like I need to do it to fix my broken mind temporary. Or ruin it even more, unintentionally.

Sudden silence.
Sudden laughter.
Sudden happiness.
Sudden sadness.
Sudden confusion.
Sudden smiling.

Anxious.

Probably the answers are there wide open and I am just too dumb to notice,pick, and read it.

My broken mind keep telling the words "a fool".
My broken heart keep telling the words "keep going".

I feel conflicted.