Tuesday, December 19, 2017

Virtual: Instagram

Instagram keeps working on its app so people would not mind to spend their time on the app.

Some new feature rolled out every month. I think it's safe to say every month, twice in a month. It's great. They really do a good job.

New Highlight feature for Instagram Story? Oh, I like that.

All I know before that was the business account can see their 2 weeks old story on their insight page. Of course if the user don't delete it in 24 hours. The highlight feature is nice, it revive the memory. You can choose which one you need to revive. It showed up as a circle under the bio on profile. It feels like an Album.

Most online shop now use that feature to make the customer tap the product based on model or category easily. I find that helpful.

That's that.

I actually want to write about Instagram Story and people's posts as a whole.

As someone who like visual stuff, Instagram is a safe place for me. Spending time to scroll down the picture beautifully or just another bad angle pics taken, read the long caption or just simple caption, laughing at relatable memes account that's mostly reposted from twitter (twitter is another safe place for me -- let's talk about it later), watching people's instagram story.

I used to be more expressive to the people's posts. I liked a lot. I watched a lot.

Until one fine day early November 2017, make me stop those activities. No likes at all. No likes for everyone. One month later, I took a step forward to not watching people's story.

Trust me, it's hard than it sounds. It's so hard. I was used to it, I feel bad not send them likes or watching their story, especially when I like those posts so much. I had never skipped anyone's stories, I never swiped away if there's a long streak. I want them to have a good day or get a better day if they just shared about a bad day.

Oh that's beautiful rainbow colors circle! It's a full of surprise circle.

I wishfully thinking they don't hate me with the thought in their head that I don't care about them enough, if they care who's seen or liked their posts.

I even don't visit people's profile in this lowkey hiatus. Wow, I did that.

I still do comment and post though. Comment without likes, even though sometimes it feels like there's a void there. Incomplete. You know.

Oh I still do my Instagram story too. Just so I can save them on that site and can revive it someday. A cancerian and its attachment with things, probably.

I don't know why this virtual life become too close to our reality because we're getting used to it now and depending on it like if it's some kind of 'you detach you lose, bitch.' game.

We fell for the idea of it.
We got lost in it.

Sure it's a fine place.
Just like how Pinocchio fell for that 'happy and fun' place.

We also fell for the idea of people in it based on what they've shared, their reaction, their interest. The people we only see via app, inside the screen, interconnected in the cloud somewhere, never see each other in real life.

Never heard their sound, never seen their eyes, never done skin to skin contact such as shake hands during a proper introduction, yet we felt like we've known them for years with all the gathered information we got based on what their posts.

If we take a moment and then realize it's only a split seconds of their daily life behind the screen. Split seconds.

Crazy, isn't it?

How far does the virtual world take us to elaborate it to reality?

What's next?

We can smell food via app?

Anyway..
I feel like I need to break this new habit once because hell..I don't even know what's people up to in their life considering I live alone and human is a social creature. I need to hmmm socialize more. Social creature needs love and other social creature to stay alive and awake.

Nowadays, having a social interaction via virtual is so normalized that it sounds so weird when you're not doing it in this economy.

We found love in the hopeless place.

Again,

Crazy, isn't it?

Thursday, December 14, 2017

Acceptance

I am slowly learning that I cannot control anything outside my body.

I am slowly learning how to accept all the chaos in my life,

accept that most people come and go.

I can't fight fate.

Some may stay to be my guide and friends for the rest of my life.

Some come and go to teach me how to be stronger.

Some people that suddenly came into my life either stay or just go.

Some come and go to give me some love just to remind me how it feels to be loved again.

Some come and go to let me know how it feels to be broken again,
to pick up every broken pieces,
or just simply leave it scattered all round.

A mess.

Some people give you space.

They share the warmest feeling even though little did I know
I was just for killing their time with.

Classic.

People come and go.

They either come clean or dirty.

I am slowly learning it's not my job to cleanse it.

I wouldn't ask them about their secret.

Secrets they've been hiding that growing to be a bigger barrier.

They come like nothing in their hands.

It's their right to share or keep it.

Honesty.

And the same person can come and go
And come..
And go..
And come..

Floating in my life.

Being a part of the mess I could not pick up and keep even though I've waited their presence for so long.

Some people just leave me there wondering
Did they ever want me in their life?
Did they just come to have fun?
Did they just... blablabla

Messing with my head.
Until I can't feel anything anymore.
Numb.

Sigh.

I am slowly learning that
The only thing I can control is myself.
How I react to all these mess.

I take things personal because I never would've done the same to you.

Because honey,
I don't play games.

But one thing for sure, I am so happy for your existence.

I am happy you came into my life
I am so happy for you
And your future
And every good things that will be coming into your days

I really am.

You made my 2017 so much better than I ever could imagine.

Do you realize that?

Thank you.

All the loves,

H.

Friday, December 08, 2017

Change

Last November, I finally went home after 2,5 years. The longest time.

I've always been that person who miss home everyday. Is it safe to say every second? Haha.

Genuinely, I planned to be there at home only for one week after my cousin's wedding, which end up 3 weeks.

Now that I am back to Jakarta. It's been 1 week.

I don't know what but I felt something missing when I went home.

It's just so different, - i hate to say this - in a bad way. My body was at home but my soul was in Jakarta, in my room.

Probably because I didn't really come home, not living at our 'home'. 3 weeks I were there, we never slept at home. We lived at our shop. It's our house too, i just don't get attached to it i think. It didn't feel like 'home'.

You know what I mean.

I thought that feeling happened just for early days but no.. it was still there even until I got into plane to Jakarta. It's weird.

I didn't get sad like I used to everytime I went home. Not in a second I got it this time. I am glad.

I also *finally* touched and played keyboard at home. 24 years..I never played our keyboard. I love it. With a little theory I got in mind - thanks internet! - I looked for it years ago when I downloaded a piano app on my tablet, it's limited keys-- I can play basic now. I am proud to say I am a beginner. Yay!

My impulsive self really made an order to buy a keyboard after I arrived at room in Jakarta. My first keyboard, I love her so far. I named her, Raelee. It's an entry level keyboard by Yamaha. Sst don't tell my parents! 😂 -- even though i bought her with my own money.

Ah..

I planned to back home this Christmas too. My dad told me to go home too. I don't know, holiday season is crazy. But I've already missed 6 Christmas and New Years with my family.

What the.. haha.

Maybe.. this time it'll change to how it used to be.

The feeling.

Home.

Homey.

Blank Stare Kaoani Blank Stare Kaoani